It has been so very difficult, coming to grips with the fact that I am in a failing loveless marriage.
Coming to the realization that my husband is more than likely un-diagnosed autism. And all of the baggage that goes with it. The constant obsessions and lying. lying about things that shouldn't even need to be lied about! Just for the sake of his bottomless need to control. To control what information he shares about his life! Like, I am merely a hired house keeper.
Coming to terms that he will always be a cheater. He is obsessed with always having a "project" woman on hand. A woman he can feed new lines to. Control her with love bombing and stalking.
Control her with his financial handouts. All because of his low self esteem and male ego. The compulsion for him to be a Knight in Shining Armor.
I work my way patiently towards eventual separation and divorce. It takes time. I need to take care of some necessary things first, before I jump ship. I dare not even mention the word divorce yet. He is more inclined to just pack a bag and walk away, if I do.
My heart is done being broken. I have come to terms with my failed marriage and my future without him. Or any other man. It is time once more to be alone.
